Being easily liked can help you in so many ways. It helps you get a job (your interviewer makes his mind up about you in seconds). Once you’ve got one, you want to fit into the team and enjoy your work.
In your social life, you want friends, at least enough so you get to go out once in a while.
Every time your child starts a new school, or goes to University, or wants to move away from home and share a flat, she needs to get on with other people.
Why people like you
You can make people warm to you at first sight, through your body language and your inner language. It takes practice, and the more you practice, the better you’ll be.
The first time two people meet, whether it’s at a party, meeting your partner’s parents, at an interview or a business meeting, it’s a significant moment. Just like other animals, for each participant the first meeting is full of anxiety. Both of you unconsciously ask yourselves Is this person dangerous? Is he stronger than me? Is he going to attack? Or is he like me, one of my tribe, someone I will be able to depend on and trust?
Remember that both of you have the same questions flicking through your minds, and the answers will depend on the way you appear. Take control of this situation, by taking account of the four things you need to give yourself a charisma boost.
A new person will feel safe with you if you seem:
• to fit into his ‘tribe’ by looking like him, so you're less likely to attack;
• competent, giving him confidence;
• warm, as you signal that you like the look of him and won’t be a danger;
• good humoured because you seem to find the same things funny as him.
Give out these signals using the following tips and you'll be liked on sight.
Dress in the style of the people you plan to meet. You wear different clothes at Glastonbury to those you need for a business meeting. Be appropriate. In most cases that means being clean, tidy and neat. Only dress like a Goth when you meet other Goths.
Show you are in control of yourself, so that the person you meet can relax. The way you stand, your gestures and your facial expression all give him important signals, so look him in the eye and smile. As you look, say to yourself, “I like him/her.” That one thought changes your facial expression more effectively than any amount of practice. Your smile becomes warmer, your forehead relaxes and your eyes crinkle in a genuine smile.
Stand straight with your hands at your side, not crossed in front of your chest.
If you shake hands, lean slightly towards him and shake firmly, then let go.
A strong voice shows your confidence and self-control. For a strong voice, you need a good lung-full of breath and a relaxed throat. A good tip is to breathe out fully, then let your lungs refill naturally. This relaxes your muscles far more than taking an intentionally deep breath.
Lower your voice a little, if you tend to squeak when you feel nervous. Most of us do.
Speak a little louder. When you feel shy or nervous, you're likely to mumble.
If your voice is habitually weak and thin, it’s worth practicing a few voice exercises to strengthen it.
Most of us are not comedians and we can’t tell jokes. Don’t try. The best way to seem good-humoured is to enjoy other people’s humour. This puts you on the same wavelength and makes you seem alike. Smile when your companion makes a joke, even a bad one, and avoid laughing out loud unless you truly find something funny.
More communication skills that work:
How to Banish Guilt Through Positive Thinking
Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication Skills: Ten Best Tips for Better Understanding
How I Stopped Mind Reading and Started Enjoying My Life
How to Give Advice
How To make Positive Suggestions and Improve Your Child’s Behaviour
Ten Tips on Dealing with Angry People
Ten Ways Pauses Improve Communication
I write this Communication Blog
Frances Evesham: on the run around Europe for years, with only a husband, three children and a succession of opinionated cats to keep me out of trouble. Somerset stopped me in my tracks. Now I walk in the country and breathe sea air. I will get around to cleaning the house soon.
I've been a speech therapist, a professional communication fiend and a road sweeper. I sometimes work in the criminal courts to uphold fair questioning of people with special needs.
I smell the roses, lavender and rosemary as I cook with a glass of wine in one hand and a bunch of chillies in the other. Writing historical romances and books on communication leaves enough time to enjoy bad jokes and puns and wish I’d kept on with the piano lessons.